“Military spouses have an entitlement issue.”
I read this comment and instantly felt the heat rise through my body. Not only had I served as a civilian Family Readiness Officer with battalions of my own Marines, Sailors, and their families, but I know what I sacrificed to become and STAY a military spouse. Yes, I say stay because it’s a choice we make every single day—to remain committed to our service member despite the very real ways their service impacts our lives. I reminded myself that this young service member didn’t know what they didn’t know.
Being a military spouse comes with long-term effects that extend far beyond the personal and emotional. Yes, there’s the anxiety of deployments and the uncertainty of whether your partner is coming home safely. There’s the stress of moving, often without much notice, while the military expects spouses to shoulder the bulk of the workload. And then there’s the career disruption—something that carries consequences for decades.
The long-term effects on our career progression? We make less money because of having to change jobs. We don’t get promoted as often. We often do not even get the job when they find out we are military spouses. I hear you, “why would you tell them?” The answer is that we don’t want to, but it comes up in the interview when they want to know why we have gaps in our resume. Many military spouses often have to update their credentials when they cross state lines, costing them more money and time away from work.
Ultimately, military spouses have lower lifetime earnings and lose out on benefits such as retirement plans. We have multiple 401Ks across the country that have limited consistent contributions. Employer matches are lost every 2–3 years when vesting requirements aren’t met. We lose out on decades of compounding growth, leaving many spouses with smaller retirement balances compared to peers who stayed in one career track.
The silver lining? We’re the most adaptable creatures you’ll ever find. We have a broad skillset from navigating challenges that you don’t learn from having a “normal” life. Our networks are strong and mighty and we work together to ensure the success of our community. Many have turned obstacles into opportunities, becoming successful entrepreneurs with businesses that thrive no matter where the military sends them.
So, are we “entitled”? Absolutely not. We are resourceful, committed, and determined! Qualities that make military spouses assets in any workplace or community.
Don’t count us out.
Nila Thompson is a proud U.S. Marine Corps Veteran spouse and mother of three, Founder and CEO of Le Fay, LLC and the Chief of Staff of The ASCEND Collective / Talents ASCEND. She connects people and organizations, builds impactful programs, and champions innovative, skills-based hiring solutions for military members, veterans, and their families. With over 15 years of program management experience, Nila is recognized as a connector, problem solver, and team player.
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